TIME Announces New Version Of Magazine Aimed At Adults

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Doing away with kid-friendly info bubbles and colorful photos, new 'TIME Advanced' will cater to adults with an interest in news.
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Adults Go Wild Over Latest In Childrens Picture Book Series

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Adult readers say they are drawn to the 'Green Man' children's book series by the complexity of its characters ranging from yellow to blue.
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Advocacy Group: Mothers Have Right To Expose Milk-Engorged Breasts In Public

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Organizers say until there is absolute acceptance of breastfeeding, nursing moms must vigilantly expose their swollen, milk-sodden breasts everywhere from ...
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Study: Majority Of Children Lack Strong Male Supermodels

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A troubling new report from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services revealed Thursday that fewer than 4 percent of American children have a strong ...
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On Today Now!, golf expert Jordan Ritter has some Pro Tips for maintaining a steady swing while hitting the links with your mistress' husband.
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Chinese Gossip Blogger Fights For Freedom To Post Celebrity Up-Skirt Photos

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Dissident Zhang Zhuohua fought against the repressive Chinese government which sought to squelch his right to post unflattering pictures of celebrities with ...
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Snowy Conditions Proving Hazardous For Nation

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Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA If you know an idiot, please make sure they're safe and not standing naked in a snow embankment on a ...
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Small Business Still Manages To Mistreat Workers Like Large Corporate Chain

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Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA Employees at Gillman's Hardware confirmed Monday that despite the company's small size, single ...
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Device Prevents Nick Nolte From Driving

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The Department Of Transportation unveiled a new mandatory safety system designed to protect American drivers by keeping Nick Nolte off the road.
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New Google Phone Service Whispers Targeted Ads Directly Into Users

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The new feature reduces Google phone users' cell phone costs while providing them with unobtrusive, personalized ads delivered in a friendly whisper.
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Obama Releases 500,000 Men From U.S. Strategic Bachelor Reserve

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The emergency influx of bachelors is expected to combat crisis levels of good men ready for something real.
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Traveler Entrances Town With Vision Of Future

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In Hastings, NY, an enigmatic man appeared suddenly, beckoning people to join his quest for a world free of despair as he shook hands and kissed newborns.
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